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2005-09-07
5 Dreams of a willingwhiteslut by willingwhiteslut@yahoo. com My name is Leta and I am the willingwhiteslut. For five days now my life has become something that was once only a fantasy. I am no longer just the girl that married a man seventeen years ago and committed herself to a lifetime of faithful loyalty. I am no longer just the girl who thought she could find enough purpose in life as the mother of her two teenaged children, that they would be the reason I would never know true sexual satisfaction either. In fact, for the last five days, I would have to confess that being the mother of these two [and now planning to be the mother again soon to more] is exactly what has been changing everything so much to the better. I do think it is better too. I don't care what has happened. I have willingly made every decision so far to agree to every thing I have done. I never imagined things could happen so fast. I guess I never expected I would go into some directions as quickly as I did. I knew I wanted too. . . but this is serious and it will get more serious. I wish I could tell everyone everything that has already happened.
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It is too much though. Some of it wouldn't be wise to confess to here in this letter either. Stories are one thing to write but true confessions may be another. I want everything to be true. . or do I? I do have five dreams that are still more extreme yet than anything I have agreed to do these past five days. I will put them here and maybe see how they will read to everyone. Maybe these dreams will be enough to tell that much more about me. Help someone realize that they are the one that will best be able to help me. Maybe this will be the story that will help one of these dreams become a reality just as so many of my others have already become the last five days? Dream number one is the most basic. I do need to become 'real' and 'physical' with a Man of color. I need to be the Niggerlover that I have been anxious to be these past many years. Online, I find I don't care if the men who use me are Black, or White, or any other color. The hottest guys online so far have almost all been White actually. In real life though, it is deadly important I will be made pregnant by whatever lover I betray my husband too.
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I don't know how long after my first cock, I will remain married for. . . but if possible I would love the surprise on michael's face in the delivery room nine months from now as I will pop out my next most darling, little chocolate colored baby. I honestly love my husband, but this has to happen. For my sanity, I need something. . . something so extreme. michael needs this too. he might want to kill me when it happens, but he needs it anyhow. I want it so much, and I am sure it will happen now. . . but the question is when.
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Maybe another of my five dreams here will happen first? Dream number two is my oldest dream. Believe me or not, but I have always wanted to be fucked by a dog. I guess many will not be offended and I apologize to you all. If it helps, I have never done more than jacked a beast off with my hands. I never even surrendered to all fours and made an offer to attempt more. I have always had opportunity too. If I had ever had the courage, I could have done this. In my fantasies as a girl, it was my mother and father who would return home to find me hung together with our dog. I would hear the car approach the house and would try to get free. The best part of the fantasy would be knowing they were getting closer. The dog wouldn't care. I would try to frantically plead that he understand. I would try so hard to struggle free. The dog would have me though, and he wouldn't be about to spare me the humiliation for anything. Then the door would open and Dad would see his little girl as the slut I was always meant to be.
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Mom wouldn't even be able to stay and watch. Dad would try to put water on the dog to hurry things up. . . but would end up sort of just having to watch as the beast just finished with the flooding of my hole with all that animal seeding. Dream number two never happened when I was a girl and I never thought I would make it a reality now that I am an adult either. The dream is not a favorite of mine anymore just to play with a dog for the sake of the act itself. I would love the reality of a movie though. I would love to know that for the rest of time, people anyone would be able to see that at least once in my life, I was lower than even a simple rutting animal. We are fortunate enough to own a dog. . . and now the dream might happen. If someone will want it to badly enough to make it my priority. Dream number two would be an illegal act where I live, but I think it wouldn't get me into as much problems as dream number three will.
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Over my first five days and talking to the forty various Men and woman who have been kind enough to answer my invitation to be their slut, the number one topic that I have most found excitement with is dealing with my children. Now I have a confession to make to everyone. I wasn't one hundred percent honest with some of the 'real' information that I was giving to people. I was thinking I would lie just a little on a couple topics to protect myself some. I am sorry if this will offend anyone I misled. Here is the correction to my lie. I do have two children but they are not the age i may have said in earlier postings of my ongoing adventure. That was only a way to try to help me keep some control over myself when I started to chat. My girl actually is 18 now and my son just turned 18 I am not sure what difference this information will make. I think they are still way young. I think if I am to be exposed to them somehow, I still need someone to give me ideas that are on the 'innocent' side to do this. I can not ever hurt the kids. I can't lose them either if things go bad. In real life, people have to understand that this is so dangerous to me. In my fantasy talk though, I have no limitations on this topic what I would like to discuss about it.
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In fantasy, I want to explore this idea as deeply and as thoroughly as is possible. In reality, I want to be teased as much as you will feel comfortable doing. . . to maybe doing something here that others might thing would be too much. I am looking for ideas, and I have many to share with people who can help me. Sometimes dreams should only be dreams, but sometimes it would be more deliciously bizarre to make them a reality. This is probably going to be the strangest dream I share today. I have one special Man to thank for this idea. He has suggested it to me, and I will make it a reality for him. I am the most wet imagining making it a reality to everyone though. I could get into a lot of trouble for this, but here it is. My dream is to be made to send my husband's money to my online lovers. I think I will need to do it with personalized checks only. The thing is, my husband has mostly neglected me so that he can make money.
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He has been quite successful. We are not millionaires by any stretch of the imagination, but we don't struggle to make the mortgage either. I think as much as giving my body to a Man online would betray the promise that I made to duane 18 years ago. . . sending everyone all of our money would be a better betrayal of what duane is all about today. I don't want to just hurt my kid's financial future though. I will have to probably be selective in making this fantasy a reality. For a guy who is serious about wanting to help me get caught here though, this could be a fun way to do it.
I think guys who would want me to send them money should feel free to tell me how exactly they would make me do it and then let's see what I do with the idea :) My final dream for today is the one I am most hesitant to share but one I have now discussed with several men. I thought this would only be my own idea but everyone has brought it up on their own to me, so I guess the idea is far more common than I thought it would be. I know that everything I am doing here is so full of potential danger. It can be as simple as I will get a disease if I do actually start to have wild and unprotected sex with strangers. I could end up divorced and disowned by my family and unsupported by whoever I might have my flings with. I could have the kids decide they will not love me anymore.
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My husband could kill me even. Maybe no one would blame him. My dream here though is that I end up having him killed. I could never ever do it by intention. Even if I was just forewarned that it was going to happen, I would think I would give up my own life to stop it from happening in reality. In dreams, I am not such a girl. The Men who have told me that duane has to go have turned me on just as much as the Men who want me to expose myself to my children. I am really this extreme. These types of ideas are the most fun to chat about. If I am to go real, I will be able to settle for just having guys fuck me I think. I will be happy risking and getting pregnant. I will love to play act physical rape situations where I would be willing to be gagged with no safewords allowed. If this has to stay in fantasy world for a bit, I do want to be used to make guys cum. If a guy has something he can make me do to serve him, that is enough for me to be somewhat happy. To really have me giving up sleep though and neglecting my family to be here, I want more.
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I want to be encouraged to be inappropriate to anyone you can think of. Make me a slut and the more shocking you can make the ones I would expose myself to, the hotter I will get and hopefully the more likely I will immediately obey you. I want to be put on camera. I do own a web cam. I will go on it soon. I am able to do voice now when the kids are out of the house and it's so hot. I need to meet someone though real life and do more. Much, much, much, more. I want to be made to do extreme things on camera. I want to be ordered to show my face while I am doing it, but understand if I don't. Make me piss for you. Make me hit myself or put myself in bondage. Make me fuck that dog. Get the video and then use it for good blackmail to make me do more and more. And tease me about the most extreme ideas.
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Make me tell them to you like I want them even more than you. Please make me say things that no one should ever say. Make me do things that no one should ever do. Try to force me to lose control of where fantasy and reality lie. I just shared five of my most extreme dreams I still hope to try to make into more of a reality. The question now will be in what ways can I make any of them more real. I am going to be the willing white slut. It will be up to who my Master is to decide the rest. I am waiting. Yahoo me anytime as the willingwhiteslut@yahoo. com I am practically living on my messenger as this first week plays out. Everyone is welcome to add me to their messenger list. I will answer all that wish to discuss anything. I promise. Leta.
