Love
2007-04-13
 Hikikomori; a Japanesse term meaning 'pulling away, being confined' or, to a better and more ideological extent, 'acute social withdraw'. It isn't known very well in the United States, especially where I live, but it happens a lot. Basically, think about not wanting to have anything to do with your friends or your family. You go into extreme isolation due to various emotional factors of your life, weither it be cases like bullying, breaking-up, family pressures, peer pressures, etc.
 For the past two years of my life, hikikomori has overrun my life. I love to be by myself, and I hate going outside. I'm still forced to make my frequent trips to the college I attend to, and I was also forced to go job hunting due to my parent's lack of knowledge on the ordeal. My friends still come and see me, but I hate them to see me this way. For twenty-four hours a day I just want to be locked inside my room with a pack of cigarettes, my TV, my DVDs, and my video games. I never thought something else could bring me as much happiness as she brings me.
 Before I go anymore deeper into the story, you can call me Truitt. I guess I have lived in a normal life. I grew up in a nice quiant town in Tennessee, and I was loved by my parents everday. At school I was also the class clown, cutting jokes and messing around with everyone I talked to. But when I hit the 10th grade, everything changed. I met this girl that I'll call Missouri in a music class.
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After only a week of knowing her, I jumped at the chance to ask her out before my bandmate (a guy who told me he would take advantage of her if she were ever drunk around him), and she accepted. That was Valentine's Day of 2005, and it was the happiest day of my life at that time.
 She was my first girlfriend and, with that, comes a little pressure from my friends. See, I loved her, and I didn't want to hurt her. By hurt her, I mean have a sexual relationship with her. Don't get me wrong, I had sex with her once (and only once), but it was to try to strengthen my relationship with her, not to brag to my friends that I was no longer a virgin. Things were pretty good for the first four months, and then came summertime. I would see her every now and then, but she was mostly in Missouri due to problems with her grandmother's health. But every now and then she would call me, just to tell me that she loved me.
 When we went back to school the follow year, things were different. She had gotten contacts, dyed her hair, and became a completely different person. She jumped at the chance to be in a popular click, and it seemed that she left me behind. We were still dating, but we were distant. We had one class together that year, and that was Psych class. Around Christmas time, afer my sad excuses to try to make her realize that I loved her, she dumped me.
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I had in my possession a ring that I was going to give her on Christmas, one that I spent a year saving up to get.
 Heartbroken and depressed, I sold the ring and bought my first bag of pot. It was the only thing that made me happy, and I began to smoke pot everyday for almost six months. Through my friends, one of who has a little sister who is best friends with the girl, I found out that Missouri had been cheating on me everytime she went to, well, Missouri.
 At this point, I'll stop and say that I shouldn't have been a pussy to begin with, and I should have drilled her everynight. Like Banky from Chasing Amy said, "All a girl needs is a deep dicking. "
 Back to Missouri. Not only was she cheating on me when she was in Missouri (which explains a phonecall she made to me late at night, with her crying and saying that she was sorry), she was also fucking this douchebag behind my back. Later on, I found out that it was just one douchebag, it was two. From that point on, I was on the verge of suicide. "Why didn't this girl just break it off of with me if she was going to do this? When Lord, when am I ever going to find someone who gives a flying fuck about me and not treat me like shit?" And I'm not talking about family or friends-type of love, I'm talking about emotional love.
 That is when I met her. I'll call her Portugal in this story because I don't want to give out her real name, but let me just tell you that her real name is beautiful. It brings me happiness when I see that name, and it's a rare occassion for that. Portugal lives in, well, Portugal, and she's probably the love of my life.
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I say that with a feeling of, "Ok, I don't think this woman is going to fuck me over, mainly because I can sort of call out bullshit now. " If it does happen on the fact that she doesn't, then I'll suck it up this time. Drugs and suicide are for pussies and I, for one, am I tired of being something that I desperately want to chow down on.
 Ok, back to Portugal. She is amazing, and is one of those rare girls that just make you happy everytime you talk to her. I don't know what my fascination about this girl is, but there is just something about her that I can't get my head around. She's like the girl next door that you desperately wish to date but you'll never get to. In my case, she's the girl across the fucking Atlantic Ocean that I will probably never meet.
 Except for in my dreams.
 I woke up one day to find myself in a strange room, laying on an unfamiliar bed. In a rush, I looked around the room and all of it's accessories. A TV stood infront of the bed, turned off. A CD player stacked with indie music at the side of it quietly played as the alarm went off. "I've heard this band before," I thought to myself. "It's Be Your Own Pet.
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" I looked over to the closet, which held a mirror, and examined myself. I was in a white t-shirt and boxers, and there was someone laying next to me.
 I turned my head to look at the figure it's hand raised up and slowly touched my face. It was her. . . it was Portugal. With a smile, she softly said, "Good morning," and kissed me on the lips. I looked back in awe as she continued to smile. "You alright, Truitt?"
 "Yeah," I said as I gathered my composure, scratching my head as she continued to smile at me innocently. "It's just I'm still kind of in that 'just-woke-up-from-sleep' mode. " She laughed to herself and hugged me. I threw my arms around her and held her for a moment, and then she spoke again. "Come on hun, you have to get ready for work. " She got out of bed, and walked into the hallway, her brown hair moving as she swayed her head to the music of Be Your Own Pet.
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I sat there bedazzled.
 Is this happening?
 Where am I?
 I climbed out of bed and entered the hallway myself, walking into the living room that was joined by the kitchen. She sat behind the island table in the kitchen, watching me as I looked out the window. My car was sitting outside in a parking space, and it looked to me like we were in an apartment complex, ground floor.
 "Want something to eat?" She said as she took a sip of her orange juice. "Nah, I'm fine. " I scouted my surrondings some more. A large TV sat in the living room, and connected to it was an Xbox 360. There was a red couch along the wall and, in front of that, a coffee table with a few magazines on it. Pictures hung on the wall, and I walked over to them to inspect them closely. They were of me and her. I was in a tux, and she was in a vibrant wedding gown. At that moment I looked down at my left ring finger, discovering a ring placed on it.
I looked over towards her and spotted a ring on her.
 "We're married?" I said quietly as I stood there.
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"Are you sure you're okay, Truitt? You're acting really strange today. " She said as she moved from behind the island counter. "I'm fine," I said with a smile and a nod, "I'm going to take a shower. "
 She smiled and turned back towards the kitchen, and made my way into the hall. Things were coming back to me at that moment: with the money I saved for my next semester of college, I traveled to Portugal to meet with her. From there we fell in love and, despite her father's objections, she moved to Tennessee with me. We got married on Valentine's Day, just to make the holiday seem happier for the both of us. I worked a simple job in an office, and she was taking college courses to become an interpruter.
 I entered the bathroom, flicking on the light and closing the door behind me. I walked over to the mirror and looked at myself. . . I looked normal, but this could not be. When I went to sleep the night before, I was still in my own house, in my own room. "No worries now," I thought to myself as I took off my shirt and moved towards the shower, kicking off my boxers in the process.
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I slid the glass door to the side, and entered the shower. I reached for the handles, turning on the water as it blasted into my face.
 I sat there for what seemed to me forever, just sitting in the shower as the water poured off of me. For the first time in my life, I felt true love and happiness.
 "Truitt. "
 I looked around, and saw the image of Portugal standing outside of the shower. She slid open one the glass door, and entered the shower with me. Her body was amazing, more amazing that I could ever have imagined it to be. She slowly made her way towards me, and I pulled her closer. I kissed her passionately, our tongues dancing in my air. My penis was becoming erect, and it began to rub on her body as we continued to kiss in the shower. We switched placed, and I took her form under the showerhead. Water was falling slowly on us, and she became more and more wet.
 "I love you. " I said to her, holding her body in my arms.
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She looked up at me, her eyes almost in tears. "I love you more. " I began to kiss her on her neck, working my way down to her breasts. I kissed both softly and on each nipple, and continued my way down. I threw one of her legs over my shoulder, and then the other. On my knees, her back pierced againist the wall, I began to eat her out. My tongue discovered the walls inside of her, reaching into every nook and cranny it could. She moaned with pleasured, and pulled my tongue out, substituting it with my index, middle, and ring fingers. I began to move them in and out of her as I rubbed my tongue againist her clit. She began to moan wildly, and quickly pulled my head back.
 I let her get off me, and we both stood up again. This time, it was my turn. She slowly kissed me as she worked her way down to my erect penis, and then slowly began to stick it in her mouth. She quickly began to suck me off as I began to feel the ectasy of her blow job. As some pre-cum dripped out of my penis, she lightly licked it off, and went back to quickly giving it to me.
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I couldn't take it anymore, and I blew right in her mouth. Surprised, but not exactly shocked, she took it all in. She quickly licked it clean before the water from the showerhead could, and stood back up to greet me.
 We began to kiss again, even more passionately then we did more. My hands grabbed on to her well-made ass, and I placed her body againist the sliding glass door. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I grabbed one of her legs and placed it around me. I kissed her again, and I entered her. It was heavenly, and I began to slowly make love to her in the shower. With every thrust she moaned louder, digging her fingers into my back. I felt her wet legs as I discovered her body while I continued to fuck her.
 I took her off my penis, and she leaned directly underneath the showerhead. I stood behind her, holding her hips as I stuck my penis in her warm vagina. There we stood, the water dropping down on us, making love. Her moaning became more frantic, as did my thrusting. We were both close to cumming, and she stood up.
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I wrapped my arms around her wraist, grabbing onto her boob as she began to reach climax. I kissed her softly on the neck and ear, as she reached behind her to hold onto my neck.
 "Cum inside me!" She said with a virbato voice, her body trembling with pleasure as I picked up the pace. I felt her juices connect with my wang, and I began to cum at the same time she did. We both let out two load moans as we embraced each other in the shower. We stood underneath the flowing water for what seemed to be forever, kissing each other softly and exchanging the words, "I love you. " She turned her head, looking into my eyes. At that moment I knew she was the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on. . . and she was mine. "I love you too, Princess. " I said as I kissed her on the lips one last time.
 I woke up to find the alarm on my clock ringing violently, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle playing on my TV. For the first time in my life, I woke up and felt alive.
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