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Chapter Two: After returning home from the engagement party Beth is lying next to the sleeping form of Richard.
She is wide-awake and her mind is racing.
"Oh, how peaceful he looks when he is sleeping, my big
stubborn sweetheart. . . my love, without a care in the world.
I'm so happy, I won't get a wink of sleep at all tonight. . . . my mind is just racing. . . isn't it wonderful. . .
Poor Stanley, how did Margaret put it? Hmm. yes that's it, she said, "hum dinger!" and "smitten, Richard is smitten with you. "
Stanley is going to have one hum dinger of a shiner, a black eye when he says the early Mass tomorrow morning.
Dear Margaret, you were right, he just needed a little push and then he came out swinging.
He finally said it, "I love you. I love you, Elizabeth Susan Adamczyk. " Then he shouted it for all to hear, "I love you Elizabeth Susan Adamczyk!"
That was so romantic and I can be such a bitch.
My poor sweetheart. . . . sweetheart, it feels so good to think that, and to say that. . . sweetheart.
I just wanted to hear you say it. . . although in your own way you showed me, darling.
I hope I can be as good a wife to you as Beatrice.
Sean never did any of those things or would ever do any of those things. He would pay somebody to do it, that rich spoiled bastard that he was and most likely still is. . . he couldn't even stand up to his own mommy for goodness sake.
I was so young and so naive. . . a virgin. I was smitten by him and with everything about him, his politics for example.
He encouraged me to join the debating team and we were partners; double-teaming people to join our liberal causes or to shout down the opposition, ad hominem attacks if it suited our purposes because we were right and they were wrong.
I was so popular in high school, an honor student, a cheerleader. . . . the homecoming queen. . . . a big fish in a little pond.
Sean told me I was special to him and I believed him. . . I wanted to believe that he loved me, or in time that would he learn to love me. .
I hate my hair short and I hated that haircut, I looked like a boy. There I go again making excuses. . . I did it because he was handsome, and not just handsome, he was drop dead gorgeous and I wanted him and the things that his money could buy. .
I will never cut my hair that short again. . . . except for my Richard and he wouldn't ask me to because he loves my hair long.
I want to grow it waist length for him if he will let me. . . and I will keep it like this length because it pleases him, however I am sure that he would let me grow it longer if I asked.
Sean and I always agreed on everything. . . though of course he agreed with me, so that he could get into my pants.
The places we traveled to together and the restaurants, plus the expensive gifts that he bought me, they were impressive I will admit to that.
It was like I was in a fog. . . of course, a fog!
Because that is what you are Sean, disingenuous and insubstantial; you polluted water vapor. You were in love with yourself; the reincarnation of Narcissus admiring his own reflection in a stagnant shallow pool and destined to be transformed into skunk cabbage by the gods for your vanity, your self-love.
As for the causes that you championed, I was so impressed at the time. . . it is obvious now that you never believed in them, like so many of the people of the in-crowd. . . symbolism instead of substance.
I know exactly where my Richard stands!
He means what he says and he lives it.
He has never been afraid of anything, not even when he was a little boy.
The caviar, no big deal, it is merely salty fish eggs.
I didn't like caviar then and I don't like it now.
I just ate it to please you Sean, and because we were engaged, and because it was expensive.
Give me a good hometown beer batter fish fry any old time.
I don't hate you any longer mamma's boy. . . you forced me to grow up and to mature and to realize what is important in life.
Family. . . . my family was there for me, especially my mom.
Dear Margaret, you are so much like mom, and Sweetheart, you are my family now, my love and my anchor.
Caviar & champagne cannot compare to the hot roasted walnuts and cold apple cider that we shared.
That evening, after our feast and then spending the day together, you walked me to my apartment door like you do every night. . . . to make sure that I am safe.
I wanted you to kiss me that night. . . . or for you to just hold me.
That was the night that I realized that I loved you. . . . I was afraid of being hurt again.
Well maybe I will tease you a little to keep you on your toes.
I shall tell you I want keep my maiden name after we are married. .
My man. . . a real man, not a Sean! I adore thinking that because I am your woman now.
I wouldn't dream of changing you because you are so damn stubborn, and so patient and so kind and gentle, and oh. . . so frustrating at times. . . but full of surprises, like poetry, our daffodils, our special love poem to be sure. (Beth sighs, rolls over and snuggles closer to her love)
I would have never imagined that you knew poetry when we first met underneath our trees.
When you wake up I shall tell you that, our trees, Sweetheart, our trees.
When I first saw you, my impression of you was no nonsense, so spit and polish in your uniform.
Solid and formidable, unyielding with your feet firmly planted, much like your trees, our trees now!
And then you shook my hand, firmly but gently, such strong hands, tough and callused hands, but warm, like the sun kissed bark of our lovely trees.
Dear God, I'm so horny, I can't wait until you wake up so we can make love again and then you will touch me with your hands.
You make me so horny. . . . should I wake you?
Your hands are so unlike his which were cool and soft. . . like a woman's, what was I thinking?
(Beth takes Richard's hand and kisses it, careful not to wake him)
You noticed the leaves in my hand and I didn't have time to put them in my car.
I was afraid that perhaps you thought I was silly and wouldn't rent to me.
Then you smiled and then you didn't look so stern or mean and then you let your guard down a little, yes just a little. . . . and the more time I spent with you the more you smiled. All the girls in my office noticed that and Margaret certainly did. . . . my twitter-patted love. ("I hated your mustache," Beth whispered to her sleeping love. )
You shaved off that terrible mustache just for me and I can't wait until your hair grows out.
And then there is my beautiful pin, I found out what the leaves in my hand meant to you. .
When I first saw your house, now our house, and the barns and the trees and fields, I so wanted to live there.
I felt as if I belonged there, as if benevolent hands were pushing me towards it, well. . . that's just silly, isn't it?
I hadn't lived in a real house since Mom died and then I moved from place-to-place, job-to-job and never putting down roots.
As to the few men that I dated.
And our discussions, you never took the ad hominem attack, never belittled my opinions or shouted or even raised your voice to bully me.
If we didn't agree you always said, "well Elizabeth, I guess we shall simply have to agree to disagree. . . .
You sat there with your arms folded like you do and calmly listened. . . my God you can be so frustrating at times. . . . you would be surprised to know that we agreed on most things.
"Would you like butter or jam on your pound cake, Elizabeth?", you would say. . . when you should have said that you loved me and saved us all the trouble. Instead, you pulled the handle off your favorite coffee cup and didn't even know it.
I can be such a bitch, but it was so much fun.
You were waiting for me to return home one night when I was with Stanley and you pulled the curtains down when you saw me kiss Stanley's cheek. . . you were so angry, even Margaret laughed at that one.
I love it when you pick me up as if I weigh nothing. . . and the tractor. . . ha, ha, (Beth laughs quietly to herself) you were so embarrassed and then you turned beet red, as you did when I mentioned about the cologne you were wearing for me.
That was so precious, both times, blushing and you didn't get angry when I ran the tractor into the bushes, you were so patient with me, and you are always so polite and always a gentleman.
I'm sure that Margaret saw to that, your good manners. . . it seems few people have good manners these days.
Margaret told me everything. . . darling. . . . how you brought Bea home from the hospital because that was where she wanted to be on her last days on this earth, home. You took an unpaid leave of absence to care for her, doing everything yourself. .
I know how you broke down and cried when Bea died, like you did in the theatre with Margaret. . . the only two times that Margaret ever saw you cry.
I know that when you were a little boy you would stand toe to toe with the older boys, bullies, who made fun of your clothing and the way you looked and how you lived, calling you a motherless bastard.
I know that you often came home with bruises and your clothing was torn.
Sometimes you were battered and bloody, and few times you needed stitches (sutures) because you were too stubborn to give up or stay down.
Margaret said that you never cried or even complained.
You told her that only sissies cry and that a man has to stand for himself no matter what. . . . you drove Margaret crazy with worry but she admired you for it.
Margaret also told me that you refused to tell her who they were, those bullies, or the Sheriff for that matter; and when you
"got your size", you hunted them down and they got their "come-up-ins", especially the one that smashed your binoculars.
Nobody messed with you after that.
Margaret has such a way with words, "Come-up-ins".
(Beth put her arm around Richard's waist, snuggling closer still, and Richard stirred, smiling in his sleep)
I saw the field of blue forget-me-nots that you planted by the creek in Bea's memory.
Bea never got to swim in the pool. . . . I pray that her soul finds peace and happiness in heaven. (Beth made The sign of the Cross)
I know how ill she was with terminal cancer. I know that you carried her through your fields and that you held your wife in your strong arms to show Bea your gift to her. . . . Margaret assured me that you loved me as much as her.
I was a little jelious of Bea at first. I accept that you still love her in one part of your heart and will always love her, my green leaf. . . .
I woke up to find Beth cuddled up next to me and she was crying softly. . .
I assumed that she wasn't upset and was happy because women sometimes cry when they are happy and that's OK.
I pushed Beth's long hair behind one ear and kissed her face. "It's alright, Beth, cry all you want, I love you too. "
I lay there hugging her and stroking her beautiful hair, which was wavy now that the curls had relaxed.
"You know why I'm crying?" She asked, somewhat surprised. "I'm sorry I woke you, how did you know?"
"I just know. .
"Let me tell you what else I know and it is not up for discussion, my lady.
I will tolerate no disagreement or broach any argument.
You are smart and you are pretty and sexy. . . "
"Just pretty?" She asked, interrupting.
"Make that beautiful, and exasperating, plus you are obstinate. . . . "
"Obstinate as in stubborn?" She asked, teasing me and kissing my chest while stroking my manhood and making me instantly hard and ready.
"That's not fighting fair, Beth. " I said, lying back and enjoying the attention.
"What's not fair, Sweetheart? I'm not arguing with you, I'm agreeing with you. " She continued working her down kissing and licking my stomach. "You make me so horny and I want you now. "
I have only been with two women in my entire life, Beth being the second.
I suppose you can say that my actual experience in this venue is limited, yet not so my imagination.
Bea never initiated sex, being quiet and passive and somewhat shy, she was a virgin on our wedding night. . . but then so was I.
I took both of Beth's hands in mine and kissed them, and then I slowly slid out of bed taking her with me. . . she didn't resist and besides I always wanted to do it that way.
We stood facing one another and I put my arms around her waist. I kissed her mouth and squeezed her shapely ass, saying.
"Put your arms around my neck and hang on tight. "
I picked her up by her ass and then slid my erect manhood past her swollen lips into her moist pussy greeting her sweet flower.
As I pounded her, Beth arched her back thrusting her hips forward and her long hair was moving to the rhythm of my lustful thrusts, her long hair turning me on all the more.
She was moaning loudly unable to cover her mouth to keep from falling. . . perfect.
Beth was open to new experiences, experiences and other things for us to share together.
I pounded her until she came violently and vocally as her sweet orgasm washed over her.
I swear I could almost feel it through my manhood and my legs were dripping wet with her sweet juices.
I held back my own urgent need until my Beth was satisfied.
Having satisfied my woman, I continued thrusting with renewed vigor and my explosive orgasm caused Beth to hold on tighter and lean forward to passionately kiss my mouth and face, and she was crying again.
I sat down on the bed and Beth put her head on my shoulder and I held her until she stopped, my woman. . .
I never dreamed it could be like this.
Beatrice, Bea, my first love, my angel in heaven thank you for understanding.
As he held her, Beth was thinking - My God where did he come from? I can't believe we just did that?
Richard held me so effortlessly and I've never come like that before, it was wonderful, it was indescribable and I was practically screaming when I came and I didn't care because I was with him.
He was so wild, and then so gentle and thoughtful holding me like as if I were a priceless porcelain doll and I loved it, cuddling. . . he loves to cuddle. . . a man who actually likes to cuddle.
Richard has finally let his guard down all the way.
"Race you to the shower. " I said, kissing Beth lightly on the lips. Then I let go of her and jumped up from the bed.
I got there ahead of her and closed the door purposely not locking it.
Beth turned the doorknob but didn't come in right away, she went to her apartment; I was hoping and I was right.
I waited until I heard her coming up the stairs before I got in the shower. . . . something else I always wanted to do, shower with a woman.
She reached in through the shower curtain and turned the water on, "You were waiting for me weren't you?
Just give me a second. "
Beth got in next to me with a small plastic tote with various soaps, shampoos, conditioners and other stuff like that.
"Is this your first time, too?" I asked her, causing her to blush for a change.
"Never mind, Beth my love, I already have my answer.
I leave myself in your capable little hands. "
The first thing that she did was to shampoo and condition my hair, followed by washing my face with an exfoliating cleaner on a little round white abrasive cleansing pad, saying, "This is gentle enough to use twice a week and will do wonders for your skin.
I bought you a Gillette Fusion Razor and extra blades. "
"It's on the vanity with Nivea Shaving Gel and Nivea After Shave Balm. They don't contain alcohol and won't dry your skin. . . "
Beth explained the benefits of each product, accessorizing and replacing everything I used to date, (any deodorant soap on sale) from head to toe.
I agreed to use them, for even if they didn't work miracles, nevertheless they were a thoughtful gift and it made her happy to pamper me. I was wondering when she bought them.
Beth finished by washing me with an organic PH balanced peppermint soap using her little hands and paying special attention to my manhood, which was proudly standing at attention I may add, while kissing me long and deep while she was doing it.
I wondered what she was thinking, and its not like I'm a wild man.
I can control myself; I have done so since my wife died, nevertheless I would love to go down on her.
What does a bald pussy taste like, I think I will just come out and ask her. . . . . . . . . . .
"It's my turn next and then we will both smell like peppermint. "
He can be so reasonable at times and he gave in so easily.
I'm sure that he will notice the improvements to his skin now that he is taking my advice, my not quite so stubborn Sweetheart.
I want to suck on his cock.
His hair down there tickles my nose and it would be so much better if. . . . I wonder?
I shampooed Beth's hair, rinsing it well to remove all of the shampoo and then massaged the conditioner in starting with the tips and working my way up to her scalp. Then Beth handed me a large claw- type hair clip and instructed me to twist her conditioner-saturated hair on top of her head before fastening it in place with the clip.
I soaped Beth down with the peppermint soap, kissing her lips and hugging her ever chance I could get.
While the conditioner working she shaved her legs, under arms, etc, while I was shaving with my new razor.
After Beth rinsed the conditioner from her hair she got out and I dried her back with a towel.
Beth was facing the mirror with her beautiful hair wrapped up in a towel.
"Richard, what would you think if I cut my hair short?"
"You are not going to cut your hair short, Beth.
I wouldn't like that at all so stop kidding. "
"What makes you think that I am kidding?"
She asked, turning towards with her hands on her hips and trying to look serious.
"I don't mind the devil's advocate up to a point, my love. "
I said, pulling her close and then kissing her luscious lips.
"Our debates have been very interesting and you have caused me to think, however. . . "
"I'm being serious. " She interrupted, but not pulling away, so I kissed her again.
"All right you win, I'm not being serious," she said as she put her arms around my neck.
"How did you know?"
"The corners of your mouth turn up ever so slightly when you are fibbing, even though you are try to keep a straight face.
When you did that in the past I always wanted to kiss your luscious lips and I should have. "
"You knew that I was playing the devil's advocate!" She exclaimed.
"Sweetheart?" I suggested, smiling.
"You can be so frustrating at times, you really can. "
Beth said, taking my face in her little hands.
"Will you braid my hair for me, I was thinking a French braid would be nice. "
"Beth, I have to say this and then I will never bring up the subject again.
You are not Bea and I'm sorry that I had your hair cut like hers because it wasn't fair to you.
You are my woman now and my thoughts are only for you. . . . my eyes are only for you.
You deserve a fresh start, and a home of your own; a place that we purchased together.
If you ask, I will sell this house, this property and everything I own and I will never look back, I. . . . . . . . . . . "
I put my hand over his mouth and I loved him more then ever, his selfless offer leaving me almost speechless.
I know how much of himself that he put in this house and his barns and fields.
As I said, Richard absolutely means what he says.
"No Sweetheart, no. " I told him, putting my head on his chest. "I ask only one thing, and you have to promise.
Do you promise?"
"Anything for you Beth, I promise. "
"But first, I want you to braid my hair, because I have two surprises for you. "
He did a wonderful French braid for me and it was much better then I do myself and I'm pretty good at it.
I sent him downstairs to wait for me by our fireplace, while I took care of his first surprise in the bathroom.
I then went right to the fireplace wearing my white silk nightgown looking for his wedding picture on the mantle and it was missing.
"Where is your wedding picture?"
"I put it in the closet. It is just you and I now and. . .
"You promised, Richard and I am going to hold you to it. "
"I don't understand? What does my promise have to do with my wedding picture?"
"Please go get it, Sweetheart. "
Richard returned with his wedding picture and handed it to me. I put the picture in its place on the mantle.
"I want you to promise me that you will always keep that picture out on display in our home, and further when we have our wedding picture taken we will put it on the mantle piece next to it.
There is no place that I would rather be then here with you in this cozy brick house.
Besides I have already picked a spot for my Grandmother Clock, it would look perfect the top of the landing.
I have put a lot of work getting my flower gardens in order and we have walnuts to gather and cider to drink under and I drive that old tractor pretty good now. " I walked over to the window to look outside at the light dusting of snow that fell overnight.
"Elizabeth Susan. . . come here.
Keep in mind that I have lived most of my adult life as an independent woman, and as I have said, I can be a bitch at times.
I have never allowed myself to be ordered about. . . I will always speak my mind, but I was drawn to that part of him, that no nonsense, unyielding discipline that he imposed on himself.
I walked over to him and put my head and his chest and I said, "Yes, Sir. "
He stroked the fine hairs at the nape of my neck.
I actually enjoyed giving in to him. He was holding me so gently with his strong-callused hands and he was giving me goose bumps. . . . he made me feel so safe and secure.
I could let my guard down and be myself with him and tell him anything now.
He said something that surprised me, and his confession gave me another peek at his soul.
"I saw a lovely woman with a nice figure, clear complexion and youthful face.
I saw intelligent hazel eyes, and a small turned up nose, and sensuous lips.
Her hair was pinned up sensibly for work, neat and professional and her precious little were ears showing.
She was wearing a white blouse and a dark gray skirt that day, with stockings and black pumps. "
"I got out of my truck, smiling and I was fascinated with this pretty woman.
She extended her right hand for me to shake and her handshake firm and sincere. "
"She was confident and looked me directly in the eye when she spoke.
The strangest thought or impression. . . feeling, perhaps all three came over me, as if an invisible hand was gently pushing me in her direction. "
""Beth. . . Beth. " I thought. If she were my lover, what a marvelous thought. .
That is what I thought when I first saw you, Elizabeth Susan. . . my love. . . my Beth, before we were introduced and before you told me your name. "
"My father was an atheist, therefore I considered myself one as well.
Then Margaret took me to the Methodist Church on Sundays.
I learned there that I was not an atheist but an agnostic.
I could neither prove nor disprove the existence of God and I stopped going to church until I married Bea.
I attended the Lutheran Church with her, mostly for social reasons and the good people attending. "
"We agreed to disagree about the existence of God, although in my grief after her death I blamed God, cursing him and I turned my back on Bea's church and the good people there. . . in my arrogance, I confirmed God's existence, the hypocrite that I was then. "
"The Reverend Fisher from Bea's church always described heaven as the absolute communion with God and where all people are spiritual soul mates with God, as the Angels always were.
Then I saw you that day under our trees, my gift from an Angel. . . I would say soul mate, however that word is overused.
It is coarse and banal in describing how I really feel about you, Beth. . . . God made the glorious daffodils and then my beautiful Beth in a pale yellow dress that moved about her like a cloud of yellow daffodils. "
Richard sighed and continued holding me, his Beth, and we stood there for a while, neither of us speaking. . .
"May I have permission to grow my hair waist length for you, Sweetheart?"
"You don't need my permission for that, my love. "
"I know that you prefer my hair long and I will never cut it short without your permission.
"You may grow your hair waist length and you are right, I much prefer your hair long.
Furthermore, you are forbidden to ever cut your hair short with my permission. "
"Thank you, Sweetheart. . . Richard, I love going down on you but your hair tickles my nose, would you consider. . . . "
"Only if you will let me shave your first, wait a minute. . . . was that my surprise?"
And then he gently stuck his hand under my nightgown and lightly caressed my mons pubis, giving me goose bumps again.
"Marvelous, I can't wait to go down on you, my love, I was going to ask you if you would do that for me. "
I was thinking, "Wonderful, he approves and I love it like this, I feel so clean and fresh. . . mmm and so will he when I taste him.
"May I shave you now, darling, for you know what comes next?"
"After we put up our Christmas Tree. "
"Christmas!! It is almost May and Christmas is so far away!"
"If I wasn't so stupid, stupid and stupid, I would have told you that I loved you instead of talking about pound cake.
If I had told you, we would have spent our first Christmas together on Christmas, I can't wait 8 months, Beth.
I called work and made the arrangements while you were making yourself taste delicious, however that will have to wait.
We both have a week off and after our engagement party I thought you might like the time off together.
Besides, when I helped you move I saw several boxes marked Christmas ornaments and they are still in the barn, untouched.
I have Christmas decorations and between the two of us I am sure we will have a beautiful tree.
I have a stand of blue spruce trees, Christmas Trees and I know where to get a fresh turkey, and by fresh, I mean fresh!
I have a friend who raises them. . . . . . . .
We got dressed and then went out for breakfast, bagels with cream cheese, medium poached eggs and coffee
I sat close to him in the restaurant and we planned our Christmas dinner, writing out our grocery list.
.
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