Kitty's Diary of a Slut-in-Training, Entry #1

Erotic
2003-10-05

Don’t get me wrong. I love to suck cock. I always get turned on when I do it, but there are several reasons why I like it, and none of them applied in this case. Like I said, I didn’t even know this man’s name, and I certainly never expected to see him again, let alone get intimate. When I take a man’s prick into my mouth, it’s usually part of something larger. Either we’re going to have sex or we’ve just had sex and I’m getting him aroused again so we can fuck some more. To me, a blowjob is an appetizer or dessert. It’s not the main course. I knew I wasn’t going to get any satisfaction from Edward’s friend, so I couldn’t understand why my own state of arousal was so keen. Since I was underneath the table, I couldn’t even see this man’s face. I love watching Edward’s face when I suck him, or Darryl’s face when he lets me, or any of the other guys I’ve blown. I love watching their eyes close and the way their faces get the same mask of pleasure on them. I enjoy pleasing men; it’s one of the things that really gets me turned on. But this man’s face, I couldn’t see. Since we were in a public place, he was probably fighting really hard not to make a scene, so he wasn’t showing any reaction at all; at least one that I could perceive. And yet, as I sucked his cock and stroked the wet shaft with my hand and licked him and gently caressed his balls, my pussy was starting to ache.

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   I was puzzled, to say the least. I speculated as I picked up speed. I hadn’t been feeling particularly horny before Edward told me to get under the table; he’d fucked me pretty hard at his apartment before we came to dinner. And yet, when Edward gave his command, I willingly dropped my napkin. Why? I confess I’m still a novice at this whole dom/sub thing. I don’t act like a submissive in “normal” life, only when I’m around Edward. If Darryl or anyone else had commanded me to suck a strange cock, I’d have told him or her to go to hell. Yet here I was, sucking away, taking him deeply into my mouth, tasting his salty precum and smelling the musky scent coming from between his legs. His body was beginning to tense up and I could tell he was getting closer to cumming, and the thought was making me so aroused I wanted to spread my legs and play with myself. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to break the rhythm I’d established under that table; I didn’t want to needlessly prolong this stranger’s pleasure. Although I’d only met him an hour before and I couldn’t even remember his name, I found myself really, really wanting to make him have a wonderful orgasm, to make him pleased with me. Like when I pleased Edward. I hoped Edward was pleased, too.

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Not just at winning a hundred dollars, but that I was doing a good job of carrying out his wishes, impressing his friend with my skill.

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   Edward had promised ME no reward for doing his bidding, but I wanted to make him happy, nevertheless. And although I’ve been Edward’s submissive for almost four months now, I never much understood WHY his pleasure is so important to me, nor do I understand why I’m even trying the sub lifestyle at all. I’d never had a craving to be dominated or commanded what to do until I met him, yet from the moment he first told me to bend over so he could fuck me, I’ve found myself bending to his will, and enjoying it, as well. I felt a strong hand on the back of my head, caressing my hair. Edward’s friend’s cock was soon beginning to get even more swollen in my mouth, and the salty taste of him was getting more intense. He was going to cum soon, so I redoubled my efforts and I found myself so horny I worried that my pussy juices would stain my dress; since I wasn’t wearing panties, (at Edward’s command), that was a real concern. Suddenly, Edward’s friend’s body spasmed. For an instant, I wasn’t sure what to do. Usually Edward loved cumming on my face and I loved watching his organ spurt, but I didn’t know if his friend felt the same. Also, I didn’t want to make a mess in a fancy restaurant, especially on my expensive dress. So I took the man’s cock deeply into my mouth and relaxed my throat muscles. Hot semen shot into my mouth and I gulped it all down. The man let out a quiet grunt as his orgasm faded away, and then something amazing happened to me. I came, too. It was a little orgasm, to be sure, but I felt it.

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   It sent a warm feeling up my body and at first I worried I’d accidentally lost control of my bladder. But no, I’d cum, all right. I hadn’t even thought about my own pleasure, let alone touched my throbbing pussy, yet I’d had an orgasm. I spent a moment catching my breath, trying to figure out what had happened. I remembered something my friend Sylvia once said. Sylvia told me the unique thing about blowing a man is that the person giving the blowjob gets nothing out of it. She receives no stimulation from it herself. She’s doing it all for the man she’s sucking. It’s the ultimate submissive act. I was beginning to understand. Edward had commanded me to perform the ultimate submissive act not on him, but on a stranger, which made it even more submissive. In addition, by having me do it underneath the table so I couldn’t see the stranger’s face, I was being more submissive still.

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Edward was pushing my submissive nature past all previous limits. By commanding me to perform a sex act that was truly selfless in every way, my giving pleasure to a stranger had nevertheless brought me pleasure, as well. I giggled at the realization, and the feeling that my little orgasm had given me.

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   I felt I’d earned it. I spent a couple of minutes catching my breath, and letting my little epiphany sink in. Then I cleaned off my mouth with my “dropped” napkin and I re-emerged from underneath the table to rejoin the rest of the dinner party. To my relief, the entire restaurant wasn’t watching me. Edward’s friend looked incredibly relaxed, although his girlfriend looked ready to burst into flame. The other couple at the table looked completely embarrassed. And Edward was smiling. At me. I wanted to cry. We finished dinner with no more “incidents. ” However, as Edward and I walked toward his Porsche in the parking lot, he suddenly grabbed me and threw me up against a silver Audi. He bent me over the car’s hood, hiked up my skirt, and fucked me–hard–doggie style. He called me a slut and a whore. He clawed at my ass and he pulled at my hair and he slapped my buttocks until they were red and when he came it was like the growl of an animal and when I came, the screams that came out of my mouth sounded like I was falling from a high cliff. Then, when he was done fucking me, he pulled up his pants and continued walking to his car, leaving me to fix myself and then chase after him like a puppy.

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  We said nothing to each other on the way back to my apartment. Edward stared straight ahead as he drove, as if he were mad, but I couldn’t figure out if I’d done something to displease him, or if he simply didn’t want me to know that I HADN’T displeased him. He didn’t even hold the car door open for me or walk me to my front door. I went inside and immediately drew a bath, with lilac-scented bubbles. I made myself a rum-and-Coke while the tub filled water and I tried to make sense of the evening. I thought I’d learned something important about myself and about sex, and then Edward had made me doubt myself all over again. While I generally enjoy being Edward’s sub, I found myself wondering why it’s only around him; when I’m in “normal” society or having “normal” sex, I’m as vanilla as they come. Maybe I’m not so much a sub as I’d thought. It was all very confusing and although I soaked for an hour and I had three more rum-and-Cokes, I was still confused when I got out of the tub. Before I went to bed, I checked my voicemail messages. There was only one. It was a man. He said, “Uh, hi. This is Trevor. In case you don’t remember my name, I’m the one you gave that fantastic blowjob to tonight.

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   My girlfriend isn’t speaking to me right now and I might be free sometime in the next few days for coffee or dinner or. . . whatever. If you’d like to call me back I’d love to get together, okay?”I couldn’t help smiling as I got into bed. My pussy was still aching, but that warm glow had returned, the one I get when I’m looking forward to getting some sex soon. I’m sure I don’t understand everything that’s going on here, but maybe understanding it all isn’t as important as just enjoying the ride. .