Teen
2003-12-08
"Oh, honey, you're finally up. Here, I made you some eggs and bacon. " Mom cooed. I smiled and took the plate from her. I walked into the living room and turned on Sports Center. I sighed and went back to the kitchen, because I forgot a drink. After pouring a glass of fruit punch, I sat down and started to watch the sports recap. I heard a light knock on the door and heard the creak as it slowly opened. I got up and rounded the corner to the porch to see Amanda. Her hair was pulled back , and glistening with snow. Her long brown coat ended at her knees, and her jeans seemed to begin and only to end in inches due to high boots. I walked up slowly and hugged her. I felt the cold press into my body, but I didn't stop. I didn't dare stop. She finally pulled away after about three minutes and gave me a little smile and a shrug. "So I have to leave early.
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The bus is leaving earlier cause of this storm. And I didn't want to leave without you kissing me goodbye at the bus stop, so come on!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. I laughed. "Hey now, I want to go with you, but I don't want to die. Let me get on my coat first. " She smiled and I turned around and ran upstairs to get my coat. I trampled back down the stairs as fast I could only to be stopped by mom standing at the end. "Where are you going?" "Manda's bus is leaving early because of the incoming storm. Wants to beat it. " Her eyes lit up and she went into the porch. "Amanda, dear! I didn't even know you were here. How are you darling?" She looked down. "As best I can be, leaving behind my love. " Mom hugged her. "Oh, dear.
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You'll have lots of time to spend together once you're older. Unless your husband is like his dad, always working. But I don't think we have to worry about that, seeing as he is not even in school yet", she laughed as she said the last part. "Oh, Brad better not do that to me. I'm lonely enough as it is! I don't know how you put up with it. " Mom smiled. "Years of practise. " ------------------------- I opened Amanda's door and grabbed her hand, helping her out of the car. I smiled and kissed her quickly. "How come your parents are not here?", I asked, breaking the tender kiss. "Oh, we said our goodbyes. They didn't want to stand in way of us, I guess. " She smiled and slowly walked towards the bus stop. I wiped back her beautiful glistening hair and returned her smile. I held her hand tightly, afraid to let go.
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"I don't know what I'll do without you, Manda. It's going to be so lonely", I said, looking down. She grasped my chin and lifted it so our gazes met. "We'll talk on the phone, we'll write e-mails. We'll send mail. We won't forget eachother, silly. " I put my arms around her lower back and draw her in closer. "I know, but I won't get to hold you anymore, or kiss you. " Amanda wrapped her hands around my neck, stepping in. "Yes, I know that's a downfall. Just think how special it'll be when it happens again, though. It'll be like we're in a different world!" I smiled and kissed her. "Yeah. I'm just going to miss you so much. " The roar of the bus was in earshot, and before I knew it and it was in our line of vision.
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Amanda turned and let go of my neck and gave her little pout. "I guess this is it, Brad. I'll phone you when I get there, though. I promise. " "You better. I'm counting on it. I love you. " The bus stopped noisly and the door opened infront of us. The bus driver looked down in and motioned for us to hurry up. "I love you too. " Amanda kissed me again. Our tongues met for one brief second before the bus blew its horn in angry hurry. She broke the kiss and leaned in close. "I'll phone you soon", she whispered.
She turned around and hurried on the bus, sitting in the front.
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She smiled and waved out her window as the bus quickly started back in gear. I kept waving until I couldn't see the bus anymore. I wiped away a tear and turned around to the car. My frusturation grew as a great deal of snow built up on the windshield. Too much for the wipers to clear. I was so preoccupied with Amanda I didn't even notice how hard it was snowing. I quickly cleaned off the windshield and realized how cold it was. I got in the car and turned the heat up. I turned on the car and slowly drove home, wiping away falling tears. ---------------------------------- I paced back and forth in the living room. My parents look up occasionally, just shaking their head and going back to their TV or newspaper, in dad's case. I wipe back my hair and look at the clock. Almost 9 PM, and still no word of Amanda's arrival. All I could think is "Why wouldn't she call?" and "Maybe she forgot about me. Forgot about her future husband".
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"Why hasn't she called yet? She knows I'm expecting it. It's not so hard to just. . . " Mom cut me off. "Honey, maybe she just got sidetracked. Arriving back at the dorm can be stressful. You have to unpack your bags and get your schedules and. . . " Mom was now the one cut off, by the phone ringing. I smiled and walked over to the phone. I took a deep breath and picked it up. "Hello?" "Hi, there! Would your mom be home, Brad? This is Debbie calling. " My heart sunk quicker than I thought possible.
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"Uh, yeah, here she is. " I motioned for her to come to the phone and she quickly did. I looked outside, and couldn't believe how much snow had fallen. Drifts were quickly building and it looked like no car should dare venture those roads. I really hated snow. Small pieces of hell falling and building up on the ground. Again, my thoughts were interupted at the knock of the door. I stopped looking at the back yard and slowly walked around to go to the front door, wondering who would come here during a storm? I opened the door and was shocked to see Amanda's father at the door. I quickly stepped to the side and let him come in. "Hey, did you hear from Amanda because she said she was going to call, and it's been awhile. " "Yeah, well no. I mean, I have some bad news Brad. " His eyes were quickly filling up with tears and he was trying his best to hold back sobs. My heart sunk lower and fear took over my entire body. He continued, "There's been an accident.
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With the bus. They were trying to rush through the storm and get to campus, but they hit a patch of ice. With these roads and a big bus, there wasn't much chance of recovery. While trying to regain control the bus went onto its side and skidded into a pole, there wasn't many who survived. " He broke down. I didn't even know if he was breathing, his face was too red from crying, but his shoulders were moving. I was on my knees and I don't know how I got there. I buried my face in my hands and let out loud sobs. My parents soon ran in and asked what happened. ----------------------------------- They decided to hold the funeral only three days later. That wasn't soon enough for me. She filled my dreams at night, but not in a bad way. I awoke actually happy. I felt guilty about this many times because she was gone. I then wonder if she would of wanted it that way.
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The church was filled. Everyone in the town had came. Everyone accept the parents who also lost childern of their own in the fatal crash. There was four other deaths in this small town besides Amanda. The rest were from other towns nearby. I didn't hear much of the speeches people had prepared. I turned down talking, because I knew I couldn't handle it. Now I stared blankly at the coffin infront of me. Trying to figure out why God would take her away from me. God took her just when our dreams were within reasonable reach. Just when we found a new level of happiness to dance on. God smashed that level and left me at the very bottom. Left all of us at the bottom. I had become closer with her family though, and I know she would of loved that.
I helped her mom sleep last night by letting her cry on my shoulder.
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Her dad took it the hardest, he spent all his time in his workshop. Making things the family didn't need. But I understood that's the way he delt with these things. We had good talks and he was a second dad to me. They were my second family. My parents on the other hand, didn't really say too much to me. They were too scared, I think. They just backed away and gave me more space then I needed. But that was okay, because I used that space to cry myself to short periods of sleep. Sleep was not much of a thing I was getting lately. My attenion suddenly jumped back to the church and the people around me. They were about to begin the walking of the coffin to the graveyard. I took my position on the top side of the casket, and began the long walk I'll never forget. It was like I was walking through a stream of memories and feelings. I was aware of the things around me, but only on a small level.
Her voice was stuck in my head, saying "I love you" over and over. The feelings stopped when we reached the grave. There, I broke down. Totally. I cried and cried. My mom and Amanda's mom quickly held me and joined in with me. My dad and her dad, just stood there. Watching the coffin slowly drop into her eternal resting place. "I'll always love you Amanda", I blurted out between sobs. ---------------------------------- I lie awake on my bed. Staring up at the ceiling. I wasn't really thinking of anything, or feeling any feelings. I was just staring. I reached over to my blanket when my guitar caught my attenion. I slowly sat up and crawled to the edge of the bed.
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I turned the guitar around and slowly read what was on the back. "Brad, great songs come from your heart. I'll always be there to help you get them out. With love, Amanda" The words were written on some sort of sticker and pasted on the center back. I had forgotten about that for a very long time. I had long stopped playing music. I dont know why, I just stopped. I had no more desire for it. But now I felt the urge to play. I positioned the guitar on my lap comfortably and played the notes of the song I wrote for her. The song I sang to her at prom, the song that probably made her fall for me. I sang the words slowly, trying to hold back the tears. I felt several warm tears slowly fall down my face, but I kept playing. After the song I broke down and put the guitar down and cried and cried. I got to my knees, beside the bed.
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"God, I know I haven't believed in you. Well, if you are indeed up there, I need your strength more then I ever did. I lost her, and she's not coming back. I need to know she's happy with you. I need to know that she has found her way to a better place. I need to her to be happy. I can't begin to heal until she's fully happy. " I stopped and wiped away my tears. "So if you could do one thing for me in all my life, just let her be happy. It's all I ask. I hope she can smile once again, and know that I will always love her. Amen. " I slowly climbed back on my bed and looked back up. "Amanda, this might be a bitter-sweet event, but it is not the end. Okay? I will be with you again.
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Our souls will be together forever. That last song is for you. I love you", I give her a wave and roll onto my stomache, crying myself to sleep. ------------------------------------- Writer's Note: Wow, I'm done this little series. What does everyone think? I know, I know, it's kind of depressing, but I didn't want to follow the normal route on this site. I didn't want sex, and I didn't want everything to always be perfect. Well I hope you give me lots of feedback!.
