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2009-02-24
September 8, 2006 Dear Diary, Donny and I have been going together since we met when I was in the fourth grade at Revelations Evangelical Elementary School. Donny was two years older and by far the most pious and devout boy there, and since I had always thought of myself as the most pious girl, we were just naturally a "pair. " Both of our parents were equally god-fearing people, so they heartily approved of our relationship. But my Dad just got laid off last month and so, after all those years together at Revelations, I have to transfer to the public school for my freshman year. I hope my faith and my devout promise to Donny will help me find my way in the fallen world. September 11, 2006 Dear Diary, I'm nervous about this school, but curious, too. And curiosity is where the devil likes to play, Reverend Moore always likes to say. But I promised Donny that he would always remain my boyfriend and, needless to say, that I would always be faithful. I have always been pretty shy, and have been raised by really strict, Christian parents, so I'm pretty much afraid of everything "carnal," as my father calls it. I know being faithful won't be a problem. But public school is very different from bible school. Like, I just got totally stared at all day today. I afraid it's cause of the way I look!I already get stared at so, so much anyway, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now. But I'm not. It is just so embarrassing. Sometimes, I really feel like the devil is trying to get me.
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Or I'm always being tested or something. Like when I was eleven and my boobs started growing so fast and everybody, but especially men, would just stare at them and say stuff. I tried so hard to make them quit growing so fast. They got to be so big and I just I hated it. I would cry and bind them up as tight as I could. But secretly, I think I liked being looked at!And it's just worse now! Every day, I seem to look less and less like a pure, young Christian girl and more and more like some brazen Jezebel! I'm afraid of what people will think of me at this new school. I'll try to cover up as much as I can. Reverend says God never gives us a burden we can't carry. I hope he's right. September 15, 2006 Dear Diary, I don't know anyone at all at this school, and naturally I was kind of nervous about what people there would think of me. Like everyone, I guess, I wouldn't mind being popular, but most of the girls who seem to belong to the popular crowd dress just so wantonly and really show just way, way too much of their body in my opinion. I just know that Satan must be all around. This is not at all the way girls dress where I went to school with Donny. I guess I should be happy that my fear of the devil won't let me display myself like that. So even if maybe I am a teeny bit tempted to dress like the other girls so I could be popular, I just know I won't.
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I do know that I have a way better body than any of them, though. Way, way better!!!! Like the ones who have boobs as big as mine are kinda fat, if you ask me, and the ones who have nice legs and a tiny waist like me don't have a nice butt like I do or hardly any boobs at all. If I wanted to, I bet I could show them all up!!!!! I mean I won't do it, but I know I could!I do get stared at a lot though. September 17, 2006 It's my birthday today. I'm fifteen!!! Yeah!!!September 22, 2006 Dear Diary, This week at school, I think the devil really began to tempt me. It's just getting like harder and harder to hide the fact that I have a nice figure, no matter what I wear. The horrid thing, the really, really horrid thing, is maybe I don't even really want to hide it anymore? I'm so confused. I know it's so vain to say, but I know I'm pretty. Everybody says so. My hair is naturally blonde (maybe kinda sun-bleached?) and everyone says I have really pretty pale green eyes. Even though I'm kinda slender, I have really nice long legs and a tiny waist that makes my hips look kinda shapely. I can tell guys kinda like me, I think. And really, what's so wrong with being pretty? That's what I always say. I mean God gave it to me, right? Even my body. But it's still kinda bothers me that it's my chest that always gets stared at.
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I wish guys could just see me as pretty and nice and stuff like that. Why does that other kinda stuff always have to get into it? I would like to be popular, though. September 26, 2006, Dear Diary, Ohmygawd, yesterday, my English teacher told me like three times how pretty I am! I kinda like that, I gotta admit. He's older and that means he appreciates beauty, I just know it. Like he does in poems and stuff. I mean he was mostly looking at my boobs, too, but it was kinda different when he did it? Like when he looked I just know it was with real appreciation, not the stupid way these jerky immature high school guys look!!! He "accidentally" brushed against them with his arm when he was talking to me. Like four different times! I know he was trying to touch me there. He let his leg push up against mine, too. I think he was trying to touch me kinda like sexually? The last time he sorta like left his arm there a long time and pushed his leg harder against mine. I know it's so wrong, but I guess I didn't mind too much. Maybe I kinda even liked it? God, I hope not. Wouldn't that be just so, so horrid? But I guess maybe I must have, since I think I kinda maybe pushed my boobs into his arm a teeny tiny little bit? I liked the way it made me feel. Kinda like grown up and stuff. And kinda like tingly, too. You know, down there.
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At least he said I was pretty and complimented my hair and eyes. That was so nice. I really like him. October 3, 2006 Dear Diary, I dreamed about my English teacher last night. And not a nice dream, either. He kissed me in the dream and touched me!! Like on my boobs and stuff. All this week he has been so, so nice, though. He stands so close to me when we talk. I always smile at him. I like it when he lets his arm brush my boobs. It would be kinda fun to be popular, I think. Those kids seemed to have so much fun and nobody ever teases them. October 6, 2006 Dear Diary, I'm getting to be so, so awful. Just to be different today, I borrowed this really cute sweater from a friend of mine. Her boobs are lots smaller than mine, so the sweater was like way, way tight and I guess maybe pretty low cut, too! I mean I wasn't showing any more than what a lot of the other girls do, but it was kinda scary for me to do it.
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I know this is the devil tempting me, but the trouble is, well, it works, and I got a whole lot of attention today. (Even from other teachers besides Mr. Randall, my English teacher! He really complimented me a lot today!!! He touched my boobs again, too. This time he sort of almost cupped my left breast, you know, but just for a couple of seconds. We both pretended nothing was happening. I smiled at him before I slowly pulled away. ) I know it is just so, so wrong, but like today I just kinda forgot about my upbringing and stuff. I wish I could show more of my body, too, like all the other girls here do. I just know my figure is better. What's so wrong, anyway? I probably should pray about this. October 10, 2006 After everybody left the classroom, Mr. Randall called for me to wait a minute and then told me I was "beautiful" and he wondered why I hide my "allure. " He said I didn't need to wear a bra, too! I probably could get him in so much trouble if I told. I love the way he talks to me, though. I love he said, "allure.
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" I'm going to use that word tomorrow too. God, he makes me feel so grown up. I hope I dream about him tonight. October 13, 2006 Dear Diary, I wore this little scoop neck sweater that I borrowed from that same friend (Clara) today. And I didn't wear a bra!!!! I hope Mr. Randall knew! She has great clothes, but like I said she's kinda small so I have to be careful I don't just spill right out. I am surely on the road to perdition. (I love that word, too, don't you? I learned it in bible school last summer. ) I am becoming very popular! I guess I like it. I bent over a teeny bit for Mr. Randall so he would know I did what he said. I don't know if he could tell, but he seemed really nervous. I still call Donny every night and we still pray together, but I never tell him what I'm doing. He would be just horribly hurt. I feel so, so guilty.
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Do you think I'm really so, so bad? I guess I am, but I'm not hurting anybody. I guess maybe it is a sin though. October 23, 2006 Dear Diary, Ohmygawd, this was just the best, best day ever. This really popular guy named Tony D'Angelo had been looking at me a lot last week, and someone said he even asked who I was. I knew he was looking at me that day I wore that neat scoop neck, so today I wore that same outfit, but I wore the sweater way, way low this time! And no bra! I mean like half my boobs were hanging out of it and I just didn't care! I got so, so many compliments from guys, and when Tony walked by my locker I sort of accidently dropped my notebook so I could bend over when he walked by. And then I did the same thing in English class. I think it scared Mr. Randall, hee hee!! When I bent over this time, I know he could see everything!!! I made sure!!! God, I am so, so bad!!! He didn't touch me this time, though. Isn't that weird? Anyway, I sure did get Tony's attention like I wanted. He just walked right up to me at lunch, put his hand on my shoulder, and asked me if I wanted to go to a school dance with him tomorrow!!!! Ohmygawd!!! I am just so thrilled and feel so hot and grown up right now. God, I mean he's just this totally hot guy and even though everybody says he's a "tool," everybody still wants to date him. And he asked me!!!!! A freshman!!! How cool is that?!!!I told him, yes, but I really don't know how I'm going to do this, since I know my parents would never allow me to date at all, and even if they would, they would never approve of a guy like Tony. I'm also kinda scared, to be honest. I mean, I don't even know if he is a Christian. I'm also pretty sure I'm not being exactly "faithful" to Donny.
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But I want to go so, so bad. I wouldn't do anything bad or unchaste. He is so, so hot. Oh God, Diary, I just don't know what to do!October 27, 2006 Dear Diary, I decided!!! I'm going out with Tony tonight!!!!!! I ended up getting this girl (Clara, again) to cover for me by having a "math study party" that I was invited to. I'll just have to pray that no one will check up on me. I just want to go out with this guy so much. He is without a doubt the most popular guy at school and now everybody knows that he asked me out, and I feel so cool. I became like instantly on the "A List" of popularity. All the cool kids came up to talk to me between classes and asked me to sit with them at lunch. It has been a really fun week. I gotta go. October 28, 2006(I'm not keeping a diary anymore. Now I'm going to write a journal. A diary is for children!)This is so difficult to write. I just don't know what has happened to me, but I know I am like so much more grown up now.
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I never dreamed something like this could happen to me or that there are even people like this in the world. Here's what happened. On Friday, Tony picked me up at my friend's house, but to my surprise, instead of going directly to the dance, he took me over to a "pre-dance" party at some guy's house where the parents weren't home. This wasn't at all what I expected. Guys and some girls were drinking and some were even smoking marijuana! And the girls, oh my God! They all looked like sluts, and some of the guys were like kissing them and feeling them up right in front of everyone, and some were even upstairs in the bedrooms. One girl had her blouse like totally open and she didn't have anything on underneath! I was thinking that maybe these people were too fast for me and that I should find a way to get home quickly, but at the same time, I didn't want anyone to think I was this big stupid baby. Tony went and got me a beer, but I was scared to death to even touch it, let alone drink it, since I had no idea what alcohol could do to you, and at church I always heard how it led to sin and damnation. But Tony kept insisting, so I finally took a teeny tiny sip, then just pretended to drink it. It tasted just awful, by the way. Tony, though, just soaked it up. About an hour later, I asked him when we were going to the dance, and he just laughed and said after he "fucked me"!I was just like totally, totally shocked and wanted to get away so fast, but I didn't have any way to leave. I tried to be brave and sort of laugh. And even though I like smiled at him and stuff, I was so, so scared. I had never heard anyone talk like that. He didn't say it again, however, so by the time he was ready to leave to go to the dance, I had convinced myself that he was just joking about what he wanted to do.
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I actually felt pretty happy when he led me out to the car, and even when he bent over and kissed me, it didn't really bother me too much. I guess I was being a teeny bit unfaithful to Donny, but obviously, I had to expect that he'd want to kiss me. I intended it to be a very simple and pure kiss. Like saying hello or goodbye, that sort of thing. What I didn't expect was his tongue! I was just so naïve, I can't even tell you. But I didn't want to seem like I was this total infant, so I let him do that and even tried to respond back, but I guess I tightened up a little when his hand went right under my sweater and began to caress my breasts. He stopped after a few minutes and asked me if I was "frigid"!God, I was just like way embarrassed. I just said, "No. Why are you asking me that?""Because I don't get no response when I grab your tits," he said, and started the car. "I hope you're a better fuck than you seem like now. "Ohmygawd, all I could think was, "not that again. " Since I really didn't know how to respond to what he had said, I just shut up and hoped that when we got to the dance, he would forget about all that business. But I also noticed that he didn't seem to be headed in the right direction, and when I saw that he was turning into the park, I really became worried. He pulled into a secluded parking place in the park, and turned to me and said rather nonchalantly that I had gotten him hot and that he wanted me to "suck his cock" before we went to the dance. And then he began to kiss me again and push his hands up under my sweater.
I was totally frightened now and just praying for deliverance. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to get out of this, so in desperation, when he started to unhook my bra and pull my sweater off, I decided maybe it was best to just let him, hoping and praying that that would be enough. Talk about stupid! And even worse, when he started tugging at my skirt, he couldn't get it over my hips cause it was too tight, so I helped him! What was the matter with me?!!! I even kissed him back as passionately as I could pretend. But not because I was hot or anything. Not right then, anyway. I was just hoping that maybe if I just let him touch me where he shouldn't, he would be satisfied. I prayed so hard that it would be enough to satisfy him. I was so scared, I really was, but also (God, this is so hard to say) maybe after awhile just a teeny, tiny bit excited too? Obviously, I had never been half-naked in front of anyone before.
It was a strange feeling to be sitting there with my breasts exposed and seeing the look of lust and desire on Tony's face. I mean like I said before, he was this totally popular guy that all the girls wanted, and he was all excited about me! It gave me this horrible tingling sensation deep inside my belly, and the more he looked and the more he touched the more intense it grew. The devil always picks on the most chaste, I told myself later. That's the only way I can explain it. But the sad truth is that I think maybe I might like being looked at?When he grabbed my naked breasts in his hands and said something about my "rack," I think like for just a second I actually was proud of my breast size. I even smiled a teeny bit when he talked about how big my boobs were, and how all the other girls were jealous of me.
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When he began to softly pinch my nipples and tell me how much he liked big "tits," well, I didn't say anything really, but I didn't get all mad, either. I know I didn't like his language, like calling my breasts "fuckin' melons" that looked "huge on a little slut like you," but I don't guess I said anything. And he said even worse stuff after that. I just kept stupidly smiling. So I guess I was okay with it, though, at least a little bit, until he just leaned back and said, "After you suck my cock like we talked about, if you're good, later tonight maybe I'll give you a 'prom baby. ' Nice present, eh, to have my baby inside you?" And then he just grabbed me by the hair with one hand and with the other he reached down and pulled his penis from his pants. Now I started to get so, so scared!That was the first male sexual organ I had ever seen. It looked frightening to me, almost like a weapon. I didn't know what to do or how I could possibly get out of this. My plan had not worked, but I just could not let him put his thing in my mouth. It was just too disgusting! October 29, 2006I couldn't write anymore last night. Thinking about what I wrote and what happened that night still makes me feel strange. Anyway, like I said, Tony had me by the hair, and just as he pulled my head down and my lips met the head of his rigid sex, suddenly a light shown in through the driver side window, and someone ordered us to get out of the car. It was the police! I don't know if I felt frustration or this enormous sense of relief when they ordered us out of the car. I did pray a thanksgiving to God.
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. . I think. I know I really wasn't ready to have Tony's thing in my mouth, and I sure didn't want to get pregnant with his baby, so I was kinda relieved to be out of that situation. It wasn't until I was standing outside in the dark that I realized I was completely topless with my skirt hiked up to my waist! I quickly covered my exposed bosom with my hands, which meant I had to leave my skirt as it was, hiked up over my hips. I tried to wiggle it down, but that didn't do anything but attract the one policeman's attention. "Let's see some ID," the first cop, a sort of burly, young-looking white guy, said, playing his flashlight up and down my body. Tony reached for his wallet, and I told the police officer that mine was in my purse in the car, and as I turned to get it, he roughly grabbed me, pinning my hands behind my back and handcuffing them there. He said that he'd get it. The other cop, an older black man, stood there and just openly stared at my now totally exposed breasts. With my hands cuffed behind my back, I couldn't cover anything. I was like totally exposed. I started to be really scared. I hated the look in his eyes. I was scared to death and seconds away from tears.
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The white cop took Tony's ID and passed me over to the black cop, who took the opportunity to nonchalantly fondle and pinch my nipples. I couldn't believe what he was doing. I was truly terrified now, but all of a sudden I felt my nipples beginning to stiffen between his fingers and heard him snicker in amusement and start moving his hands all over my breasts. My nipples just got stiffer and stiffer! What was I doing? Why was my body betraying me like this? My face just burned with embarrassment. The policeman's held both my breasts in his hands like it was just the most natural thing to do. He was breathing harder, too. He called me a hot little slut. "Hey, you're Tony D'Angelo, right?" I heard the white cop say through this haze of fear I was in. "The defensive end over at Belmont. I used to play the same position when I was in high school. I saw you play against Ridgemont. Great game. Nice little slut you picked up, too" he smirked, nodding at me and winking at Tony. I couldn't believe he just called me a slut, too!"Where'd you pick up this the little sex pot?" the black cop added, still fondling my breasts while holding them up for the other cop to see. "Fucking nice rack on the bitch, eh.
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Huge! You fuck her yet, Tony?" he laughed, now pinching my nipples with one huge hand and pulling my bottom into his pelvis with the other. "Nah," Tony laughed, "She wanted it bad, but you guys sorta messed that up. I'll fuck her a little later. Maybe I'll keep the cuffs on her," he laughed. "She's just a slut I picked up at school. " I was just utterly in a daze now. What were they talking about? Who were they talking about? I am not a slut! I wanted to be home and away from all this. "Hey, Tony," the white cop suddenly said, looking at my student ID. "I think we just saved your ass. This little bitch's cunt is illegal. You know that? Or is she trying to pull one on you? You fuck her and she tells someone, it could screw up your whole college career. The bitch is only fifteen. Statutory rape, they call it. You better get on out of here. We'll take her home for you.
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" "What the fuck the matter with you, ho" the black cop growled in my ear grabbing me by the arm and shaking me. "You want to fuck up the career of one of the best ball players this county ever seen? You that hot for cock?" Both Tony and the white policeman laughed about the way my breasts bounced when the black man shook me. I was about to pass out. What were they talking about? I wasn't going to let him have sex with me! I couldn't understand what was going onLetting go of my arm and grabbing my around the waist, the black cop lifted me onto the fender of the squad car. I could barely balance myself with my hands cuffed behind my back. I was both scared and mortified and on the verge of paralysis. Both policemen played their flashlights over my breasts. "Fuckin' huge!" the black cop said again. "That's some fine looking pussy, Tony, but she's jail bait. She'll just get you in a world of trouble," the white cop said. "Hey, thanks for the heads up, guys," Tony said. "I just assumed she was eighteen. You see a bitch with a set like that, it's hard not to think she's a legal fuck. ""I'm with you on that," the black cop said, laughing. Pushing his flashlight between my thighs, he added, "I'm sure the little slut gets her cunt greased pretty regularly, but we don't want nothing happenin' to you.
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You still got more than half a season to go, and both of us got some money riding on next Friday's game, stud. You go on now. Find you some legal pussy to fuck. "Tony laughed and thanked them again and got in his car and drove off. With my sweater and bra still in his front seat!"Well," Mike said to Ramal, the black cop, "I can't believe he bought that! That is one stupid jock. But looks like we suddenly got us some mighty fine pussy to fuck tonight. " I could not believe what I was hearing. Were they going to like rape me? Or were they just kinda scaring me?My racing thoughts were interrupted when Ramal reached up and lifted me off of the fender, and suddenly chuckling, turned to the white cop, Mike, and pointed his light at a wet spot on the fender where I had been sitting. "Well, I'll be goddamned!" he snorted. "Come look at this, Mike. This cunt must want some cock real bad. The little package of tits be dripping. Come have a look. "Lifting me back up onto the fender, he deftly pulled my panties below my knees in one quick movement and pushed my thighs up and apart. "Mike, you gotta see this," he suddenly exclaimed.
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"You won't believe it. The little slut shaves her pussy! Turning to me, he snarled, "You fix that fuck hole up real nice for a guy, don't ya. Make it mighty inviting for his cock. Hard to resist a sweet thang like that. Trying to snare ol' Tony? Get you a hot jock? Get him to fuck you like you like? You like cock, don't you, bitch. You a regular slut ho, ain't you, baby. " he growled, pushing my thighs further apart. I was on the verge of tears. It was true I was shaved, but not for the reasons the policemen thought. When I first started to shave, I knew that girls did their legs and underarms, and really having no one I could ask, certainly not my mother, I just assumed they shaved everything. That's the only reason. I do it now cause it seems so much cleaner. It was really so very innocent. But they sure didn't think so. They said it meant I was a whore.
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I wasn't. Not at all. What I was was scared!"I'm a Christian girl and I wasn't doing anything," I said, trying to act defiant, but trembling badly. "He made me get undressed. Please, I want to go home," I murmured, now even closer to tears. "Well, looks more to me like you're a regular ho, one that wants her pussy filled. You a professional, baby?" he snorted. "I think we're going to have to run you in for prostitution," he said, beginning to caress my vagina. "And Mike, didn't we find some coke in the ho's purse?" he said in an intimidating snarl. "You want to spend a night in jail? Or you want what Tony didn't give you? This wet pussy tellin' me you want it real bad, baby," he declared, his voice becoming very thick and guttural, as he continued to fondle me. "Maybe somethin' like this is what you want," he declared, pulling my legs even further apart and rubbing his nightstick against my vagina. I was wet, it was true. But I don't know why. I guess it was something about being exposed like that in front of these two men and all the talk about my body and maybe even what Tony had been doing to me in the car had had a curious effect on me. Maybe it was Ramal playing with my nipples.
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Maybe it was the nightstick pushed into my crotch. I just don't know. I was scared, true, very scared as a matter of fact, but more than anything, I was confused. December 4, 2006 After thinking about all that happened to me for over a month now, I guess I realize that I was more fascinated with what was happening to me than scared. How strange. I mean I was scared, really, really scared, but the horrible thing is that I discovered I liked being looked at. I know I denied it to myself when it was happening, but in truth, I even liked being talked about in that "dirty" way, and I liked being touched the way Mike and Ramal had been handling me. But it was like over a month before I would admit that to myself. The only clue I had to my horrid behavior was that when Mike pushed my thighs open that night and first slipped his finger inside me to caress my clitoris, I couldn't help the tiny little moan that escaped my lips. Oh God, I was just mortified! I still am. Well, as preacher says, the only way to rid yourself of sins is to acknowledge that you have them. So this is my first step toward redemption. I guess I did sin. I was very bad and I guess I had like maybe sinful thoughts during all of this. I pray for forgiveness.
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But I still do say that I really didn't want to have sex. Or at least I don't think I did. I mean I was just so, so scared and crying really, really hard by then, and that should count for something shouldn't it?So anyway, when Mike pulled me into the back seat of the squad car and told me what he was about to do, I was like still terrified but also just a teeny bit relieved that that is all I would have to do. So I didn't resist at all. I knew by then that something was going to happen to me. It had just gone too far by then and the two policemen were too obviously aroused. What Mike wanted was better than what I was afraid was going to happen. At least I would still be a virgin when he was done with me. So when he pulled his thing from his pants and told me to open my mouth, I meekly opened for him. Maybe I was scared of his authority, maybe something else entirely, but when he pulled my mouth onto his erection, I simply gave in and accepted him and my fate. At least he wasn't having carnal knowledge of me! I was so grateful for that. I know it's strange, but that's how I was thinking. Then all of a sudden he grabbed my hair, jerked me off of his penis, and slapped me so, so hard across my face. It stunned me. "Keep your fuckin' teeth of my cock, bitch," he snarled at me.
"Don't you know how to suck a man's cock?"I didn't know, of course, even though I'd heard about it. But I was very careful to keep my teeth away this time when he jerked my mouth back to his sex. Then I discovered the strangest think about myself. Apparently, I'm a "freak. " Just because I don't have a gag reflex. I'm sure Mike was infinitely more surprised than I was at how easily his penis slid completely down my throat, because I just though everyone was like that, since my sister is like that, too. But Mike was amazed. I just assumed that when he entered my mouth that the purpose was to put all of it inside me, and that that was how it would work for everyone. I obviously had had no experience with this sort of thing. So it surprised me when he suddenly yelled to Ramal to "look at this!" as he pulled my face into his pubic hair, burying himself deep in my throat. "You can fuck this bitch's mouth like a cunt," he laughed beginning to thrust faster in and out of my mouth. "What a fucking whore!"I was having a hard time breathing. I didn't really have any idea how to do this. I tried to pull back, but all I could get was little slips of air when his penis would retreat to my lips before he would again plunge back down my throat. When after some indistinguishable amount of time, I heard him start to groan and felt him convulsing deep down my throat, I felt that something had changed, though at the time I had no idea what it was or what was happening.
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What I didn't know at the time was that he had just ejaculated his sperm deep down into my throat.
I was just grateful that it was over. Of course it was actually only half over. Ramal, who was watching all this intently, had pulled his penis from his pants and was stroking it in front of me. It was black as night and seemed much larger than Mike's. When Mike pulled himself from my mouth and wiped his instrument on my breasts, Ramal took his place. He pushed his larger sex close to my mouth. I reluctantly opened, but I could barely get the head of it past my lips. I guess I wasn't trying hard enough. "You're too big for her mouth," Mike snorted. "I'll bet you her little whore cunt can take you, though. Might have to tear it up a little like you did that little latina cunt last week, but what the fuck, eh. You certainly made a mess of her pussy," he laughed. "Might as well fuck this whore up, too. "This was scary.
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Was he going to have sex with me? And be rough with me? I could feel my heart beating in fear. I don't want you to think I'm like prejudiced or anything, cause I don't think I am, but I really didn't want a black man to even touch me, let alone do what I knew he had in mind. So I tried again to get him into my mouth, but all that would fit was the head of his penis. Ramal pulled himself out of me, grunted something unintelligible, and dragged me by my hair over to a park table, where he pushed me down and thrust my legs up toward his shoulders. My skirt was still up over my hips, and with my panties long gone now, I was completely open to him. Grabbing my hips, he pulled me toward his ebony shaft. Apparently, he intended to have sex with me. I watched in utter horror as his black organ slipped between my labia, and its horrid black head slowly disappeared into my lily-white body. Though in my mind I was screaming, "No! No!" for some reason I never said a word. A man was about to have sex with me for the first time, and worse a black man, and I never made a single move at all to stop him as he began his penetration of me. That's how I know I wasn't my normal self. Like I said, this was a Negro and he was about to do a lot more than just touch me! I was like petrified. And never said a word! Suddenly he paused. "Mike, the bitch is virgin!""You're bullshitting me""No, I'm serious. I'll have to bust her cherry to fuck her.
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"I was confused. If they had asked me, I would have told them that I had never had sex before, but I thought they could just tell by looking at me. I guess they couldn't. Maybe I should have told them. I had no idea what would happen next, but I felt this great sense of relief that I would apparently escape with my virginity in tack. But deep, deep down maybe this isn't what I truly wanted to happen? I do so have to pray about this. "You've never been fucked before, baby?" Mike asked. I just shook my head and whimpered, "No. ""Hard to believe a cute little bitch like this with her cunt all shaved and a rack like this ain't never been fucked," Mike said, turning to Ramal. "You sure, bro?" "Check for yourself, man," Ramal replied, moving away from me. Mike stuck his finger up to my hymen and muttered, "I'll be a motherfucker. " "You liked Ramal's big cock in you, though, didn't you?" he said, turning back to me and grabbing me by the hair. "You wouldn't mind if he bust your little white cherry for you, make a woman out of you?"I really did not know what to say. Could I tell a policeman not to do whatever he wanted to? They're the law, right? Would I get in trouble if I said no? And really, the experience was so strange, I wasn't sure I wanted it to stop, even though I was terribly scared and crying. Maybe I wanted to see how it would all end, I don't know, but all I did was shake my head no and sob a little bit, and whimper to please not do this.
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I'm not sure I was concvincing. "Too risky to fuck a young white cunt if it's virgin," Ramal said. "Let me give her mouth another try. ""Oh, thank God," was all I could think. . . . Until Mike butted in again. "Nah, come on, Ramal, just fuck her. We can beat her when we're done and say some high school kids gang raped her or something like that," Mike argued, "like we did with that cunt over at Lakeside High last week. Remember? You don't fuck her, I'm gonna," he added emphatically. "I don't know, Mike. But maybe you right. This be mighty fine pussy to be passin' up. Look at the body on this pretty little cunt.
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I do like young pussy, specially young pussy with fat tits," he sort of mumbled, reaching over and shaking my breasts. Turning to me, he snarled, "You want your cunt filled with some hot black meat, bitch?"I just sat there nearly paralyzed on the outside and crying really, really hard now, but somehow maybe I was maybe a teeny, teeny bit excited on the inside? Or maybe curious? But I know I never said yes to him. Ramal walked back to me, re-spread my legs, and slipped them up onto his shoulders. I was again totally open and exposed. "All right then," he said to Mike. "We beat her when we done. ""Right, bro," Mike answered, "No worry. Body like that, shaved pussy an' everything, everybody will think she's a tease got what she deserved. Nobody believe a cunt like this is virgin. Go ahead, fuck her, man. Fuck her hard! Bust that cunt up. I'm getting me some right after. "I knew then that I would not escape with my virginity. I closed my eyes and waited. Ramal grunted and positioned himself again between my legs.
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He quickly reinserted the horrid head of his bulbous, black penis between my labia and pushed it up next to my hymen. He was sliding ever so gently in and out, until suddenly he reached down, grabbed both my breasts in his giant black hands, and yanking down hard on them and simultaneously driving his blackness hard up into my body, he took my virginity in one brutal stroke. Two strokes latter nearly the entire length of that hideous black snake had battered its way deep into my white, supple body. I was having sexual intercourse for the first time. And with a Negro!!!The tearing of my hymen was painful, but only fleetingly so. I recall being astounded more than afraid. I had often thought about sex, though surely not like this, being raped by a black policeman. But as I open my eyes and watched his dark penis slide effortlessly now deeply in and out of my body, for some reason, I became fascinated with the way my breasts bounced up and down with each hard stroke into my vagina. That's how screwed up I was. But I was also becoming increasingly aware of some other vague sensation developing deep inside me, seeming to spread from my belly up through my chest and just engulfing me in a pleasantly sensuous feeling. Each forceful plunge of his thick black penis into my white body intensified that sense, and from what seemed like a long way away, I heard myself gasping "Ohmygawd, Ohmygawd. " If my hands had not been handcuffed behind me, I might have pulled him even harder into me. Instead, I relaxed and opened my legs as wide as I could to accommodate him. He was banging hard up against my cervix when I heard him remark to Mike that this was the problem with "young white cunt," that they could never take all of his "cock" in their bodies without him tearing them up. Looking down I saw that fully a quarter of his sex had failed to enter me.
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For some reason, I blushed in embarrassment. I felt like I had failed and I was humiliated. It was my first sexual experience, and I hadn't been able to take all of him inside me. It was like I wasn't really woman enough. That's pretty strange, you got to admit. Mike was urging him to go ahead and "bust my white cunt open" when suddenly, Ramal gave an enormous gasp, pushed my legs clear back upon my chest, and took three really hard plunges into me. I thought at first he intended to rupture my cervix, but instead he flooded my vagina with a stream of hot semen. And can you believe this, when he pulled out of me, I blushed and shamefully apologized for my failure to take all of him inside me. He just laughed at me. What was the matter with me! For a minute, I actually considered asking him to try again. But a few seconds later, Mike stepped between my legs, and I knew my experience wasn't over. I don't know what I said or did to make him start laughing and calling me a whore, but I think it must have been my apparently obvious desire to rekindle that feeling that Ramal had started inside me. I can't remember it clearly, but I know the second he positioned himself to enter me, I opened for him immediately. Though he was smaller than Ramal, he was every bit as vicious in his violation of my body, and in his first few strokes, he too soon called up that incredibly strange and fascinating sensation of pleasure growing deep inside me. Fortunately, I could take all of Mike inside me pretty easily.
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Especially after what Ramal had done to me. Mike's thrusts where not as dramatic or intense as Ramal's, but he did re-ignite that hot ball of sensual pleasure that Ramal had enflamed in me. When I felt his body convulse and his semen coat my vagina, I need to confess that I experienced a twinge of disappointment that it was over. After he finished depositing his sperm inside me, I knew that that wonderful knot of pleasure had not had an opportunity to develop totally. He'd been too quick. And I'm ashamed to say how disappointed I was. Apparently, Mike's use of my body had re-aroused Ramal, and at Mike's encouragement, he decided to try my mouth again. I had hoped it would be my vagina. Taking my breasts in his big hands, he jerked me off the table and onto my knees in front of him. I don't know why I really did want to please him, but I know I did. Maybe because I had failed him the other way. Maybe because I hoped he'd try my womb again. Satan was surely with me now. Kneeling there with his blackness inches from my face, all I could think of was how to accommodate him and not embarrass myself again. I finally did manage to get him partially in my mouth, but try as hard as I could, I simply could not get him all the way down my throat like I had Mike.
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I could see he was angry. He kept repositioning me and hammering at the back of my throat for such a long time it seemed, but suddenly he gave this great groan and I felt his hot spume filling my mouth as it had my vagina. This wasn't like Mike, who had ejaculated entirely deep down into my throat. This time my mouth was completely filed with his semen. Having no experience and therefore not knowing what to do, I simply spit it out onto the parking lot when he finished with me. What a mistake!"What the fuck you think you doing, cunt!" Ramal abruptly threatened. "What, you don't like nigger cum in your mouth, you fuckin' little tight-cunted white slut?""You are really one incredibly stupid bitch," Mike added. "You don't spit a man's cum out. Don't you fuckin' know nothin'?"I was stunned. "You gonna lick up every bit of that cum off a the pavement, slut" Ramal growled, grabbing me by the hair, slapping me viciously twice across my face, and pushing my face down towards the cum glistening on the asphalt below me. I have never been so frightened. I thought they were going to really beat me or something, not just slap me. Plus, at that moment, I just wanted so desperately to please them, but especially Ramal. I quickly turned to the task of licking his massive load of semen off of the parking lot and swallowing it completely as they laughed and laughed. They uncuffed me and let me rest for a while, but when I went to pull my skirt down, they stopped me and made me take it off instead.
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"We ain't quite done with your bitch," Ramal said. I saw Mike talking on the radio. "Pete and Brian on their way," Mike called to Ramal. "Let's take some pics. ""Wanna get your picture took, Honey?" Ramal said. "We'll make you look real sexy and pretty. Give you some copies to send to your friends," he laughed. Maybe put on yo' facebook page!This was very weird. I didn't know what to think or what they were going to do when Mike led me over to the squad car. He took his hat off of the seat and told me to put it on, and then buckled his belt and holster and stuff around my waist. I was totally nude with a policeman's hat and belt on. I had to look just totally ridiculous. And lastly, he took his badge off and told me how hot I'd look wearing a cop badge, and grabbing my left breast, he pinned the badge right through my nipple!Oh my God, the pain and the surprise were so intense that my knees literally buckled and I felt to the ground . I quickly reached to pull the badge out of my nipple, but Mike struck me viciously across the face. "Don't touch the badge, cunt," he snapped.
"It's part of the uniform. " Lifting me to my feet he took me back to the park table and told me to get up on it and spread my legs. I noticed another squad car pull into the park and saw Ramal walking over towards us with a camera in his hand. Handing me his baton, Mike told me that he wanted me to "fuck myself" with it. I was so frightened at what Mike had done and what he might do next that I instantly complied. What the other two policemen saw when they got to the table was some hot little slut pushing a nightstick in and out of her vagina. I was too scared to do anything but obey. To my surprise, the two new cops pulled themselves out of their pants and started stroking themselves, encouraging me to continue "fucking myself. " I was utterly shocked when, after a short while, both simultaneously began to ejaculate on my face and chest. All this while Ramal took pictures. They did end up beating me, just as they had promised. Not viciously, maybe, but they did blacken both my eyes, split my lip, and put horrible bruises on my breasts. I had been handcuffed again, so Mike just held my head steady while Ramal very coolly hit me in the face I guess four times, maybe more, and then struck me in the belly and breast. Mike used his belt on me, mostly on my breasts. They kept commenting how large they were.
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Ramal told me that before I mentioned any of this to anyone, I should wait to see the pictures. I still have them. They're horrid. The girl in them looks like a very willing whore. She's wearing a cop hat and belt with a policeman's badge pinned to her naked breast, sitting on the park table with her legs spread wide open while pushing a nightstick deeply in and out of her sex. Her face and chest are thickly coated with semen. They gave me a tee shirt to wear when they took me home. I never told anyone what really happened. I told my mom the next morning that I had been beaten up by high school girls who got mad at me cause I refused to do impure things with them. I told her that kids in public high school made fun of religion and that I couldn't stand it anymore. Somehow, she managed to convince the people at Apostles Academy, the bible high school that Donny attends, to take me in as a scholarship student. The next day at school, I guess rumors had spread that I hadn't let Tony have me, that I was "frigid," "a cock tease," "a nun"! A girl that I thought was a friend came right up to me and said, "I can't believe you didn't let Tony fuck you. Why did you date him? God, the hottest guy asks you out and you don't even fuck him? I am so, so glad he beat you and dumped you. You are so over. I can't even talk to you.
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" And she just walked awayJanuary 23, 2007Donny's so happy we're together again and we pray together a lot, but I can't get what happened to me out of my mind. I know it's the devil, but every time I see a black cop I wonder and begin to feel that same weird tingling inside me. Lot's of times I dream that he takes me again, and I'm so wet when I wake up. What is becoming of me?.
